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Unread 07-12-2015, 06:29 AM
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Default What to do when you have a crush on someone but you are commited to someone?

Have you ever faced this situation? You are happy in your relationship and it's going pretty well. Then BAM!! You meet someone who you are attracted to. It feels really guilty. What do you do in a situation like that?
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Unread 07-12-2015, 06:39 AM
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Default Re: What to do when you have a crush on someone but you are commited to someone?

I think this by and large happens to all of us even if we do not realize it. I dated ,y first girlfirend for five years, and throughout that relationship probably. had at least 4 crushs on people I knew as platonic friends. The fact of the matter is when you fall in love, and remain in love with someone you need to always remember that you chose that person for a reason at the time. This so called reason always need to be renewed as the relationship progresses. If you have crushes on others, but do not act on them you are doing nothing wrong. Rather you can use these to gadge what is missing in your own relationship as you no doubt developed the crush due to something noticeably lacking in your own situation in the first place.
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Unread 07-18-2015, 04:06 AM
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Default Re: What to do when you have a crush on someone but you are commited to someone?

If you're happy with someone and respect them with all your might, then you "wouldn't" have crushes on another person. If you do, then you wouldn't act on them because you respect/love your SO. Failure to do so, shows that you aren't "in love" with your SO as they claimed.
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Unread 07-18-2015, 02:20 PM
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Default Re: What to do when you have a crush on someone but you are commited to someone?

Yeah, with Shine mostly on this one.

I suppose it's what you define as "crush" in this situation. Physical attraction is a biological factor that you really can't control too much, so there will always be other people out there that you will find attractive even if you're dating someone.

But if you're talking about a "crush" that involves a much deeper connection, then it's something I feel can't develop on its own while you're in a relationship. The only time I've had a situation like that is when I developed feelings for a friend before I ended up dating another, never during.
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Unread 07-21-2015, 05:20 PM
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Default Re: What to do when you have a crush on someone but you are commited to someone?

Exactly. Thinking someone is attractive isn't an issue, because all of us claimed someone is "Pretty, handsome, etc"

However, developing feelings, chasing after another and the like, is a completely different manner. As I said before. If you love/respect your SO, then you would not developed "crushes", a no brainer really.
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Unread 09-14-2015, 12:01 PM
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Default Re: What to do when you have a crush on someone but you are commited to someone?

Hmm, I'm not sure I agree. I think the matter is different for everyone.
First, it depends what somebody recognises as a "crush". Being in love and a crush aren't the same thing. A crush is an overwhelming feeling of attraction and adoration (even if it merely be a respectful adoration for their work, or the type of person they are--whatever it may be that caused that attraction in the first place). To be in love with someone is an entirely different feeling: It's far deeper, you're not just attracted to someone, though that is very much part of it. You have an extreme respect and care for someone you're in love with; sometimes a desire to protect, and if personal contact is your thing then you want to hold them. There's more to it that "liking" the person you're in love with.

Crushes fade, and generally quickly. They're an abundance of feelings you gain within a moment, and harbour for a short while--merely because your mind doesn't know what to do with those emotions. When you're in love with someone; it's usually blindly. No matter what happens, those feelings won't leave you. Even if you do think someone is attractive and want to form a bond with them and get to know them personally--it doesn't mean you're any less devoted to the person you're in love with. The only difference is how you act upon a crush. Overwhelming feelings can cause idiocy, (I would know), but if you can distinguish between a fleeting crush (a surge of unnecessary emotion) and the complete feelings of love you have for someone else, then stupidity can be avoided.

It's possible that there are people who are more instinctual--and they act too quickly on those fleeting emotions. They're often the ones who end up crawling back to the exes with regrets--because the crush passes and they realise "hey, actually I never stopped loving [so and so]". It can be a pride-crushing moment but it happens. Frankly, OP, if you recognise it's a crush you're all good--surely one, in that instance, would know not to act upon it foolishly. Personally, I make a point to tell my partner if I think someone is attractive; we discuss it. Not on a level of like or dislike romantically, but we talk about what it is that's attractive about them and I'll personally make a comparison to the person I love--at the end of the day no matter who the target of the "crush" is, they pale in comparison.

However like I say, many people are different and define crushes differently. But this is my take on it--and how I act in accordance.
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Unread 09-14-2015, 09:34 PM
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Default Re: What to do when you have a crush on someone but you are commited to someone?

I totally agree with elucifexeia's take on the matter.
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Unread 09-16-2015, 04:25 PM
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Default Re: What to do when you have a crush on someone but you are commited to someone?

I always find that when this has happened to me in the past its more of the lust and romance of wanting to be with that person rather than being in love with them, and if you follow your crush 9/10 you'll end up longing for what you currently have. That being said I think elucifexeia's thoughts are well on point.
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Unread 09-24-2015, 07:15 AM
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Default Re: What to do when you have a crush on someone but you are commited to someone?

not entirely sure why this is in philosophical section.
but really? be honest. do you love the person youre committed to? most likely not or you wouldnt have developed amorous feelings for the other person.

9times out of 10 you simply fell out of love. break it off. if you havnt already diamond ringed the girl that is. hoo ohhh boy if you have youre screwed mate. youre stuck in a loveless relationship while loving another person.
its like a bad romcom. except there is no haram ending fanart crap to save your desperate soul
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Unread 09-29-2015, 02:20 AM
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Default Re: What to do when you have a crush on someone but you are commited to someone?

There are sometimes where I encounter that, but this might sound kind of cheesy or silly but...

Music usually helps me or any art form. Sometimes whenever I'm thinking about a past crush, I would always listen to some 36 Chambers (Huge Wu Tang fan) and rhymesayers (Atmosphere and Aesop rock are the best). The arts pretty much helped me in times in need.

However, that is just me though.

Either way, I really love my relationship right now because it's feels like one of the few times where a relationship might actually go somewhere (Heck, won't even be surprised if me and my girlfriend get married after college). However, I can't predict the future so I don't know, but I want to keep it that way for now (Plus, both of us are really artsy people yet we do different things. She does more animation and drawing while I do more music and writing. Yet, we both have skills for editing).

Last edited by Thatoneguy; 09-29-2015 at 02:23 AM.
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