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Much Ado About Love

Posted 07-21-2010 at 04:08 PM by The Grindel Katinka

You come around and you take, and you take, and you take,
you tear me down and I break, and I break, and I break,
then you tell me that you love me baby but is that what you call love?
If that's love I'm giving up, my heart can't take it anymore,
If that's all it's not enough, you'll watch me walk right out that door,
it's like you said before, it's nothing personal,
I must be moving on,
If that's love then I'm gone...

~From CSI Miami

In seven more days it will be the two month landmark of one of my strongest moments in life and as a person. It will have been exactly two months since I left my first abusive relationship.

You never truly know the value of freedom and individuality until you lose it all and are forced into an emotional cage, covered and kept hidden like a shameful pet. I look back on the experience and I ask myself "How did I not see it?"

It was easy to spot once I had time away from him to think about it. He was always clouding my mind by making me feel stupid, insulting my intelligence and physical condition until I believed myself for what he always described me as, "Lower than the scum on his shoes."

It takes time to heal these things, time to come to grips with the fact I am NOT the monster he made me out to be. Indeed I am not perfect but neither was he. I know I am not perfect even though I try very hard to be the best I can be at anything I do.

I work hard in strides to improve not only myself but my work as well. I watch, listen and learn and once I learn a lesson I never truly forget it. I may forget the order of the steps, I may forget a step or two but always I remember the general idea.

I live by few laws of life and those are easy, "Honesty and trust are the very core of a relationship."
"Whatever happens, happens for a reason big or small."
and "The greatest gifts come from the heart."
Those are my only life laws. I have morals yes but I find these are always the simplest ways to live and often the happiest.

I make my own misery like any human can but I also make myself forget it and I often see very little reason to stay sad very long. Even when Matthew died I cried only three days and even with my best friend gone pressed on with a promise in my heart. I'll see him again someday on Earth or in Summerland.

All in all I'd like to end with a smile and a quote, "I'm human after all and that alone explains my flaw."
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