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It has come to my attention that..

Posted 11-19-2010 at 08:24 AM by KozaKuraHaiNe

People still aren't aware of one of the most beautiful, heart-wrenching games to ever set foot on the face of the internet. It's a new twist to an amazing game where unicorns, rainbows and all things sparkly collide to the tune of Erasure's Always. However, toss all things kewt and pwetty into the garbage can and get a whole new perspective of Robot Unicorn Attack, complete with blood, shrill screams of terror, skulls, pentagons, fire and horrific scenes blended together with Blind Guardian's Battlefield ringing in the background. That's right, folks, Robot Unicorn Attack Heavy Metal has emerged!

It's every bit as addicting as the original Robot Unicorn Attack, but it's more death-tastic! More metal! More red, black and white! And best of all, it reeks of MANLINESS! If all of those stated above matches your gaming needs, than play Robot Unicorn Attack Heavy Metal and you won't regret it one bit! Although you may get addicted. But that's just a petty after-effect from playing too much awesome- I mean, Robot Unicorn Attack Heavy Metal. So why wait! Click on the link above and get transported into a whirlwind of robots and unicorns, only, to quote a video I once watched, with three teaspoons of concentrated DEATH!

Enough with metal and unicorns, and lets get moving on to something that has been irking me ever since the last round of Champions League games. Gareth Bale is the new sensation of Europe ever since making world-class defender Maicon look like roadkill in Tottenham Hotspur's 3-1 win over a depleted and drained Internazionale Milan. Now, Gareth Bale is a rare breed, and I'm sure he's a nice man who is full to the brim with talent. I'm sure everyone was shocked to the core at how he ran past his marker with ease and precision. He was the heart of the team that dispatched the Italian and European Champions, which nowadays are looking less like champions and more like pushovers, and sustain muscular injury problems on a gamely basis.

I have nothing against him. I'm more of irritated by the fact that people overhype Bale's astounding movements, thinking he's the key to the Spurs' Championship hopes. He may be, he may not. I actually beg to differ. Harry Redknapp's mastermind has propelled his team to world-class status. Bale is spectacular, but his one problem is his inconsistency. His ability to burst into sudden speed and to cut through defences had no effect on the victorious Bolton two weeks ago. Neither did it make much of a difference to Sunderland. It did destroy Paul Robinson and co, though. Still, it doesn't matter. Bale is incredibly talented with speed and skill at his fingertips(or toes!), but it comes with Champions League-hangover-esque lethargy. Lets see how they fare against quick-passing Arsenal.

Time for Joe Cole to shine! With Liverpool under pressure and Stevie G out for four weeks, this works perfectly for him to do what he does best - magic under pressure. Back-heeled goals against Manchester United that wins titles are not to be taken lightly. So what a time for the man once dubbed as England's last hope to sparkle in the spotlight like Edward Cullen in Twilight.

Last but not least, the champions of Europe are under a certain crisis since the departure of their beloved Mour. With muscle injuries by the dozen(actually, thirty one) and drabby draws against newly promoted teams, the Italian giants are starting to look like Italy's flops in the World Cup. Rafa Benitez is a good coach(depends on how you define 'good'), but it seems like Jose Mourinho took Inter players' winning mentality along with him.

It's like something is terribly wrong with them. In nearly every game(or even every game) Inter has played this season, somebody has to be substituted due to muscle injury. Like the vuvuzelas blasted away all their fitness and mental strength during this summer's World Cup. With the exception of a certain Cameroon striker, the other players look like they could use an extended winter break every time they step out onto the pitch. I hope they can break out of this crisis before they step foot in Saudi Arabia for the Club World Cup. :<

'Till the next time, everyone! In the meanwhile, GO PLAY ROBOT UNICORN ATTACK HEAVY METAL.
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