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How Depression effects my daily life and how I felt accomplished

Posted 11-06-2018 at 11:02 PM by GohanMaster

There have been days where I don't want to do anything, where I feel like I can't. I have no energy or motivation, and I feel numb and not care about if things get done or not. This is part of my depression. I have been having more days like this, and its honestly a challenge to get up and start the day. I have a child and its a struggle to push my body to do the things I need to do because I'm to shut down and broken inside. But every day I try and I keep forcing myself to do something, anything, even if it is small that will hopefully give me that spark of inspiration to do more. I have loads of laundry piles up, sink full of dishes, house a mess with toys and left of birthday trash, unpaid bills, and the only thing that I can do is sit here and pretend it is not there because that is easier for me to deal with then using all that little bit of energy I do have to fold cloths because that is to mush of a stuggle. Well not today. I'm tired of feeling this way, I have been for years but today I have decided to make a change because I have to. I have to for my family, for my pets, for myself. I started off with what I thought was going to be a small project but ended up taking a lot longer then I had wanted, but I'm happy I did it. I trimmed the edge of the grass in our front yard, took care of the mess of palm tree seeds that was everywhere, and I even started to fold some cloths and put them away. I understand to some that sounds easy and like every day chores, but for something that is struggling with sever depression, that is a huge thing. I feel accomplished, and I feel like I can do more today, so I will. I'm going to shower (again because I feel gross), BBQ some dinner, and pick up some of the house before I have to go to school. Now the real problem is having to find that same type of motivation to do this again tomorrow, and again the next day and so on.
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